Most landlords are quick to say that they have many good, reliable tenants. If not, they’d find another business; tenants are their livelihood. But then there are the rest, that tiny percentage of renters who can’t seem to get it together and aren’t quick to fess up.
And what kinds of things do these tenants say? Below are some favorites from landlords. Tenants take note: If you hear these lines start to come out of your mouth, stop and think a moment. Another strategy — the truth, perhaps — might prove more effective.
It’s not a dog; it’s a barking cat.’
Hmmm … are you sure you want to make that your final answer?
This was Barry Maher several years ago in Santa Barbara, Calif., where he owned a small apartment building. Dogs were not allowed, as outlined in the rental agreement. Cats were.
However, shortly after a young woman moved in, her neighbors complained about barking in the apartment. Maher called the tenant.
“She said, ‘Oh I would never have a dog. But what I have is a special breed. It’s a very rare thing; it’s a dog cat ... a mix of a cat and a dog.’
“It was so blatant and so crazy that I actually spent a moment thinking, ‘Is there really such a thing as a dog cat?’ ” Maher recalled. “And I’m really not an idiot.”
‘But you said I could paint it.’
Did you not know that it’s usually just walls that get painted? And in a color that’s possible to paint over? The entire apartment was purple. The ceiling, the walls, the whole entire apartment was painted lavender,
‘My grandmother died ... again.’
That’s strange: According to our files, your grandmother has died six times recently. At least according to the reasons you’ve provided each time you couldn’t pay the rent.
The sudden need to pay for a funeral is a common claim for a tenants inability to pay.
‘I have to move out. I’m allergic to pet dander.’
How is it, then, that you work as a groomer in a veterinary clinic?
The problem is that once people sign a 12-month lease, there are very few ways to break it. So tenants must come up with their own — at times creative — reasons about why they must leave.
‘The check may have bounced, but at least I paid.’
Actually, mailing a check that isn’t backed by real money isn’t quite the same thing as paying the bill. In fact, it’s not the same thing at all.
‘I was the victim of identity theft.’
OK, that would seem valid, given your bad credit. Except for this catch: Your credit was just as bad before the date your identity was allegedly stolen.
This is a reason frequently given by prospective tenants to explain their poor credit, as well as by existing tenants unable to pay the rent.
‘You can’t come in. There’s too much cash in my bedroom.’
Um, could you put it somewhere safe before we arrive for the inspection?
This tenant apparently didn’t want to an annual walk-through. But this isn’t the best way to keep visitors out. Perhaps the tenant put valuables out of view and entered as scheduled.
‘Someone threw a brick through my window.’
But something’s missing — namely, the glass. Oh, look, it’s on the outside.
“Unless the laws of physics don’t apply here, the window was broken from the inside out, not the outside in,”
‘The ceiling is dripping and we don’t know why!’
Well, do you think the drip might have something to do with the fact that you turned the roof into a swimming pool?
The tenant left clear evidence that it was they who had caused the very leak about which they were complaining. The roof was intentionally flooded and the tenants’ names spray-painted on the tiling next to the words, “Welcome to Silver Beach.”
The roof had a silver-oxide coating and a thigh-high shoulder wall along all the edges. The culprits had plugged the drain with a candle and flooded the entire roof, about the size of a standard swimming pool.
‘The electricity is out and I don’t know why!’
So you say that the power flipped off right after you turned on the microwave, the hair dryer and the toaster at the same time? Do you know anything about circuit loads?
‘See, the walls are almost the same color.’
Gee, I’m sorry that you ran out of paint, but I’m going to have to finish each wall before re-renting the apartment.
My dog ate it
Really?!
Always keep in mind you need to have a sense of humor when dealing with tenant. Especially if you’re going to have more than a couple rental units. You can’t take this stuff personally.”
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